Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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