I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
