theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We don't watch enough power rangers
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
