i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
