Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
