I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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