You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
