she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
