I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
