Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she pinky promised me she was 18
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
