I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
