Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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