Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
