just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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