i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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