I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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