Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
