I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
