I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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