i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
