What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
