My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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