your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
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Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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