Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
vagina is talking i cant
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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