I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
