You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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