I can text with my tongue
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
sarcasm needs its own font
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
