Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
