i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
