I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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