Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
