I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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