I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
