i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
