Midget sex pt 2 tonight
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
