i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Be still, my beating vagina.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
