Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
