She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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