I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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