I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize