you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
