pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
