I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
