i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
