Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
