My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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