So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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