I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
