I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
