capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
