Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
