Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
