Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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