she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
