Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
