since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
