We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
