Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
