I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Jerry, you need to find god
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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