I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
