Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
