I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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