Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
25 People Confess What Theyâ€™re Shamefully Attracted To
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.