yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.