Nicole vs. Life
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.