i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
