Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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