I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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