apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
