singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
