ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
