I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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