i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
