I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
