I wanna bring you to show and tell
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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