i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
