My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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