I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
