Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
