mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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