I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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