my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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