Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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