Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
