the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
