You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
