I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize