Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
