dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
