that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
