Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
