you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
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wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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