No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
