what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
